Sunday, May 31, 2009

This week's column focuses on cellphones, when they are appropriate and where.

Q. I was at my daughter's baccalaureate commencement at her high school. The speech was given by a young priest who was impassioned with advice for his impressionable audience. As the priest animatedly delivered his advice, a cellphone went off, causing him to lose his train of thought. He could not regain his composure and his address came to an abrupt end. What could have been done to avoid this?

A. Not to worry, that audience member will certainly be on the fast-track to hell. No one should take a cellphone into a religious service, commencement or lecture. Leave your cellphone at home or in the car. If you can't, you shouldn't attend.

Q. I have lunch out frequently with friends, and one of my dearest friends' cellphone goes off constantly, she answers it and has a conversation. It is a casual get-together, but isn't this rude?

A. Yes, of course it's rude, when out to lunch or dinner, turn off your cellphone. If you're expecting an important call, your daughter telling you she won a full scholarship to Columbia, you may check the caller ID to see who it is. If you must answer it, you must excuse yourself.

Q. Can I use my cellphone on the bus or other public transportation?

A. Unless it is a restricted ride with a no cellphone rule, yes, provided you keep the conversation brief; don't yell into it or gossip. Nothing is worse than gossiping and turning around to find the person you are gossiping about. That is worse manners! Texting is more appropriate here as it's not as intrusive. You could turn off your cell phone and use the travel time to focus on what's important to you and what you need to accomplish; maybe even get to know the person sitting next to you.

Q. I was attending a benefit performance of the Vienna Symphony Orchestra in our city. It was an amazing event and experience, and one I will never forget for two reasons. The first is the stunning performance and second because the gentleman in front of me wanted to share it with someone via cellphone. I had to close my eyes to the distraction and was outraged. Was this proper? He didn't actually speak on the cellphone except to say, "Just listen."

A. That was no gentleman, that was a thief. In essence he was pirating the performance via cellphone. Who knows, but only the culprit, where he was sending the music, not to mention the distraction of him holding his phone up for the music to play into. He should have been stopped by an usher as soon as the stanza was over, and or escorted out of the performance venue. You have a right and obligation to politely tap him on the shoulder and if that doesn't work ... report the culprit. Manners are power!

Cellphones are at once the most amazing communicative device and at the same time the most exasperating. It seems everyone feels entitled to carry one and use it whenever it occurs to them. There is a time and place for cell phones. Riding a bike or driving in a car is not one of them.

A cellphone allows us the freedom so we don't have to worry about that missed call from our agent or hairdresser, but we cannot abuse this convenience.

A cellphone is for emergency when out in social situations. Think of it like this. You are in the social situation; you do not need to add an electronic transmission of another party. Enjoy your company face to face and talk to one another for goodness' sake.

Q. Who is allowed to carry cell phones and when?

A. Attorneys waiting for the jury to come in at a murder trial, physicians with seriously ill patients or on call, clergy, volunteer emergency personnel and parents with small children at home with a sitter.

I am addressing you! Let us be aware of our surroundings. Can you turn your cellphone off? This is a liberating concept. I cannot tell you how freeing it is to be somewhere, enjoying oneself, knowing no one can reach you even if it's for a short time. Let us not be a slave to electronic communication; we are free, thinking individuals. People have lost their lives for this freedom. Let us protect and value this concept and use our cell phone wisely.

If you have a question on manners of any kind, feel free to write to me at my e-mail, amandapipersmith@aol.com. I will answer your question promptly with no judgment passed. And remember, manners are about communication and society. If we don't have communication, we don't have a society, and society is our only grace.