Sunday, October 18, 2009

I'm outta here! I always knew, if I hung in there, did the right thing and worked hard, eventually my number would come up. It finally did.

Yesterday, I received an urgent e-mail from a former government minister of Nigeria, Natanga Swahuta, a current barrister, that through perfectly legitimate means, he has been awarded $180 million from the excess mining fee fund. He also informed me that he is seeking a legitimate business person in the United States to receive this money by direct wire to be invested, making that individual his U.S. agent and partner. While he certainly could have selected others, he found what I do and the charitable organizations with which I am involved, complimentary to his personal philosophy and has chosen me!

So it is with this I bid you all a well-deserved adios, sayonara, see you later, it was good to know ya. In the approximate words of Jimmy Stewart in "It's A Wonderful Life," "I'm going to knock the dust of this shabby little town off my shoes and see the world."

Obviously, before I leave, I will be receiving a number of phone calls from the local banks here to know who is the "big winner" to receive the wire from my newfound friend, benefactor and partner, which is why I am writing this. Please do not inundate my office with calls; the account has been set up. I have sent Mr. Swahuta my account number, birth date, Social Security number and PIN to confirm not only acceptance of his gracious offer, but also provide him with the necessary information to make the transfer.

Anyway, I have to go, I just received an e-mail that needs my immediate attention. My son just "tweeted" me that he is in London and has lost his wallet and could I please wire him $500 immediately, which he will repay upon his return. A simple request. I will run right over to Western Union and shoot off the $500. A paltry sum, to be sure, for one who has just been given a share of $180 million. Maybe I'll make it $1,000 just for fun.

Say, wait a minute! My son is calling me on the inter-office intercom. How can he be in England and in his office at the same time? Holy cow! You don't think all these things are scams, do you?

Welcome to the new age of cyberscamming.

Has scamming of naÃØve people always been so clumsy and ridiculous as it seems today? I just saw the movie "The Sting" a couple of nights ago for the umpteenth time and, as always, was entertained with how smooth the scams in the movie were. A good scam artist (artist being the operative word) does it and you don't even know it's been done, even after you've been had.

Today, if you have a computer, you get e-mails literally every day from people purportedly in the Nigerian oil fields or the Angolan diamond mines, or from some long-lost relative in England whose last possible heir on earth happens to be you. All of these, of course, offer untold riches if you can just help them out by providing your most personal and confidential information.

What is really laughable about these scams is that they don't even try very hard to be grammatically correct. I guess they figure if they send out enough of them, someone will bite. What a shame, for I fear that the few who do answer are the most desperate, naÃØve and undeserving of the flimflam in our society. I have to remind myself that as funny and ridiculous as these e-mails are, they are being sent by someone who would strip an old widowed schoolteacher of her life savings without a nanosecond of hesitation or regret.

What caused me to think and write about this today was seeing the latest scam of people getting hold of your Facebook or Twitter accounts and being able to tell you, their friend, a short tale of woe like losing their wallet, and could you please send a small amount of money, which they'll pay back when they return from wherever. In her eagerness to help a friend (a retired nun in this case, for goodness' sakes) a lady was taken for $3,000.

I guess it all goes to prove two things. First, the human species is not too far from the jungle where the weak, unprotected or foolish will always be subject to the strike of merciless predators. At the same time, it is all too common for otherwise honest people to want something without earning it. If it weren't for these human conditions, what would a poor guy like Bernie Madoff do with himself?

If there is a takeaway from all of these money scams, it should be that if something looks too good to be true, it probably is. Oh, and change your pass codes often.

Chris Belland's Hindsights & Insights column appears here on Sundays. Belland also writes a biweekly column on environmental issues, which runs in our Sunday magazine, Solares Hill. All of his previous columns are available on his blog: hindsightsandinsights.blogspot.com. Contact Chris at cbelland@keysnews.com.