Mandy Miles' - "Tan Lines"
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Well, excuuuuse me

By MANDY BOLEN Citizen Staff

Let me just say I have learned my lesson.

I will never again crack jokes about the Parrot Head lanyards.

There, I said it. Shall I write it 100 times on a chalkboard somewhere?

A few of them are clearly a sensitive bunch who felt the need to educate me in the Citizens' Voice about the important identifying characteristics of said lanyard, and remind me that they raise money for charity.

One person also implied that I must be a newcomer to Key West because I clearly didn't understand the Parrot Heads' impact on this town.

Really?

Wow. Eleven years in this town and it seems I finally have caused a minor scandal.

Like I said, I will never again crack jokes about the Parrot Head lanyards.

Because despite their annual attempts at fun, frivolity and fruity drinks, a few bad seeds clearly can't take a joke, or laugh at themselves even a little.

Or maybe they just can't read.

If I remember my words correctly, and I'm quite certain I do, I also stated that I was glad the Parrot Heads were here, thanked them for their contributions to the local economy and admired their genuine enjoyment of Key West.

I also made fun of the bikers' commitment to denim despite our humidity and the sailors' fascination with a red Mt. Gay baseball hat.

I ended by taking jabs at our own choices in clothing as locals, and reminded everyone that in this town, all are welcome, no matter what we wear.

It was all in fun, and I'm glad most folks took it as such.

For the vast majority of you who do actually pack a sense of humor with your sunscreen each year, please continue making Key West your vacation destination. We're happy you're here, and we truly don't care what you wear. I promise.

For the other three or four of you, lighten up. Geez. Maybe you're the reason Jimmy Buffett doesn't show up to your annual gatherings anymore.

Hopefully, this will clear the air and we can all move on with our lives.

Incidentally, I thought I may mention that while writing this column Saturday morning, I am singing along to "Boats," one of the CDs in Buffett's box set, and a personal favorite.

I may not wear a lanyard, but I do own 15 of his albums and can assure you that his music is one of the things that initially led me to explore Key West.

I, too, changed my latitude, and now I'm off to get a cheeseburger here in paradise.

Truce?

mbolen@keysnews.com