Mandy Miles' - "Tan Lines"
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Little annoyances endlessly tiresome

By MANDY MILES Citizen Staff

Let me start this week by apologizing for my religious oversight last week when I referred to the Immaculate Conception. Despite 10 years of Catholic schooling, I forgot that the term refers to the conception of the Virgin Mary, who apparently was born without the Catholic "stain" of original sin.

My mother corrected me, as did two readers, one of whom called my mistake "endlessly tiresome."

So, from a recovering Catholic to the practicing ones, I apologize.

Now, moving on....

Never buy cotton swabs from a dollar store.

I don't know why I've made this mistake more than once, because anything other than an actual, name-brand Q-tip is just a stick in the ear.

And now I'm stuck with 250 of those sticks in my medicine cabinet, a daily morning reminder of my misplaced frugality.

It's just one of those little annoyances, like the utensil drawer that won't open because one item is sticking up too high. You constantly flatten out the items in the drawer, but invariably a different one pops up so it's useless to just remove the corkscrew, the slotted spoon or the tongs.

And then there's the drip that descends the length of a wine bottle after pouring. Of course, it's always more noticeable with red wine, especially whenever I'm wearing a white shirt.

And while we're on the subject of petty aggravations, what's with the one piece of fuzz that the vacuum stubbornly refuses?

And then how many times do we go back and forth over it until we give up, bend over and pick it up?

Finally, do you throw it back onto the floor in front of the vacuum hoping that you've now loosened it sufficiently, or do you put it in your pocket for later disposal?

These little nuisances are just part of life, but if an off-balance ceiling fan that makes a constant and rhythmic wah-wun, wah-wun, wah-wun is one of my only problems, then I'm truly in great shape and I know it.

Although it's hard to keep that in mind at 3 a.m. when I'm focusing obsessively on the noise of that fan, and trying to decide whether to get up and turn it off or cover my head with a pillow.

Of course, getting up to deal with the fan may have led to that annoying back-and-forth game of pulling the fan chain and light chain to get them in sync with the switch that controls them.

The list goes on and I can't possibly be the only person bothered by...

Those crumbs in the crack between the stove top and the counter that require a knife to remove;

The dust on the blades of a ceiling fan. At least it's harder to see if you simply keep the fan on;

That nasty crust of dried milk that forms around the spout of the gallon;

That semi-solid glob that dangles from the tip of the lotion or hand soap nozzle;

The cementlike nature of corn flakes that affix the cereal to the bowl 10 minutes after you put it in the sink

The take-out menu that's just a teeny bit too heavy for the refrigerator magnet that's supposed to keep it in place.

It ends up either sliding halfway down the fridge, or falling off completely, but only in the middle of the night so the thump of the magnet hitting the hardwood floor pierces an otherwise silent night -- silent, that is, except for the wah-wun, wah-wun, wah-wun of that ceiling fan. It's endlessly tiresome.

mmiles@keysnews.com