Sunday, July 11, 2010

Why is it that with the best plans and intentions some meetings go awry?

The simple answer is: people. Individuals will often come to a meeting with their own set of issues and behaviors over which you have no power. Chances are at most meetings, you will have a mix of latecomers, dominators, multitaskers and side-chatters. And that's on a good day.

We can't control others, but we can manage the behaviors people exhibit during our meetings. The trick is to have a strategy for dealing with each type of behavior. Let's look at solutions for some of the most common and challenging problems:

Chronic latecomers: Despite what you may have seen or done in the past, refrain from embarrassing latecomers. Making them sing a song or tell a joke is demeaning and a waste of time for the people who were punctual.

Instead, make a habit of starting exactly on time no matter who is in the room. Do not repeat anything that has been said for latecomers. Suggest they speak with someone after the meeting to get the points they missed.

Once the meeting is over, seek them out privately and ask why they were late, and what it would take to make them come on time. This shows them that you notice, and that their tardiness is a problem.

If they don't change their behavior, try assigning them the role of note-taker in subsequent meetings. This will ensure their timeliness.

Dominators: Most groups have people who tend to dominate the conversation. If one person talks too much for too long, thank them for their opinion and say, "I'd really like to hear how others think about this issue." Then open it up to the group.

Another way of dealing with this dynamic is to go around the table on a specific issue and hear from everyone. This tactic also encourages participation from the quieter people.

Multitaskers: Multitasking should not be tolerated at your meetings. The best way to deal with it is to establish a rule that all cell phones should be completely off (or on vibrate for an emergency), and that no laptops are allowed in meetings.

If your organization functions on them, establish an agreement that they be used only for purposes that are relevant to the meeting. At the beginning of the meeting, explain that in order to be efficient and productive, you need everyone's undivided attention. Being pre-emptive will help the group cooperate.

Side-chatters: Similar to latecomers, these people hold up the process, but should not be humiliated. Asking if they want to share with the group is not useful. It embarrasses them and makes them lose respect for you.

Instead, trying using an inquisitive (not accusative) question, such as "Are you OK with what we are saying?" Alternatively, speak to the group in general by saying something like, "I can see there is a lot of side-chatter. Let's all please give our attention to whomever is speaking so we can get the most of out of this."

In any group dynamic, you can expect all of these and other challenging behaviors. The key is not to get frustrated, but to deal with them head on, immediately and consistently, so that those people learn the rules of engagement. If the behaviors continue, make sure you address individuals privately so they know their behaviors are not acceptable in your meetings.

Elisa Levy conducts seminars on conflict resolution and anger management. For more information, contact her at 305-296-5437 or visit www.elisalevy.com.