Low Information Voters

Dear Short Answers: I don't know what's going on but I meet a lot of people who say they can't decide who to vote for president and that all politicians are the same. To me, the differences are as clear as night and day. Has America gotten even stupider? I don't argue with people who want to vote for the other candidate but I can't control myself when people say they "can't tell the difference." How do I stay calm when faced with such idiots?

-- Temperature Rising

Dear TR:

We agree, the differences are profound. Perhaps you should suggest that the "no difference" folks have their hearing tested.

'Tis the Season

Dear Short Answers:

I have received three fundraising requests from the same person in the last two weeks. Admittedly all for different causes, but I think three is excessive. What do you think?

-- Why Me?

Dear Me:

Them that has, gets asked. But you are not required to answer all prayers.

Judge Not

Dear Short Answers:

My next door neighbor is an artist who lost her husband about five years ago. She has become very close with her gardener who suddenly seems to be living with her. I am afraid that he is taking advantage of her money and her loneliness. How do I stop this from happening? I don't think he means to harm her -- but I fear he might be stealing from her. I tried to "hint" to my friend that he was trouble but she defended him and refused to discuss it. Do I wait until something horrible happens? Or do I call some authority? I am at a loss.

-- Would Like to Help

Dear Would Like:

There is nothing you can do that won't cause harm or embarrassment. It may be that he is taking advantage of her -- or he could be a very good friend and an appreciated distraction at crossroads. Stay out of this.

Knowing When

Dear Short Answers:

I find my social life exhausting. I like entertaining and I like going out but lately I feel like I do all the work. What do you think?

-- Social Butterfly

Dear Butter:

Fly darling, fly! If you can't get on a plane, then take a few weeks off from the party and read, watch TV -- whatever are your solitary pleasures.

Old Question/

New Answer

Dear Short Answers:

I recently "retired" and am having a terrible time actually saying that word -- because I don't feel "retired" at all. I volunteer at the local food bank (I used to be a nutritionist at a big hospital) and I am happier than I've been in years. When people ask me what I do, I never know what to say because "retired" sounds like you're not a productive member of society and I feel more productive than ever. And when I say I "used to be a nutritionist," that sounds like I'm living in the past -- "I used to be something but now I'm nothing." What's the solution?

-- Retired, Feels Discarded

Dear RFR:

We've been there. It is always an adjustment when one has identified deeply with a career. In your case, you might say you're using your old skills in a new way that you find really energizing. Most people don't deserve or require a more detailed response.

Trouble Maker

Dear Short Answers:

I am having a dinner party in a couple of weeks and can only invite six people (my table only seats eight). If there are two couples where I like one person and not the other, do I really need to invite them as couples? It's my party, why can't I invite just the ones I like? My husband says that's extremely rude and just not done. But why not? I am not the only person in town who feels this way about these people. If I can't invite just one, then I won't invite either. And isn't that worse?

-- Worried Wife

Dear Wife:

Your husband is right. You can't invite just one because you're creating an issue for the couples: the ones who are invited are forced to "choose." The likely consequence is that they will all decide you are just too much trouble. We agree.

Horses

for Courses

Dear Short Answers:

A friend of mine has found her own true love.They are truly high on each other and after just three months they're planning their wedding. I'm happy for her. But a little jealous. It's not that simple for me. I have a boyfriend and I love him but the idea of getting married anytime soon depresses me. So many issues, so many decisions -- not about the wedding but about us! Am I crazy? Not romantic? Making it too complicated?

-- Anxious

Dear A:

You are absolutely right to wait until you feel the time is right to marry. Some relationships present more complexities than others -- different backgrounds, previous marriages, dual careers -- and all present challenges that are worth thinking through. "Made for each other" may have been a romantic fantasy of yours but today when your choice of mate extends way beyond the intimate circle of your youth, it may take longer to "stress test" a relationship.

Life is complicated. "Short Answers" isn't. Send a question about whatever is bothering you to solareshill@shortanswers.net or go to www.shortanswers.net and a local psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed in Solares Hill.